How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
