I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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