Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a search helicopter?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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