There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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