Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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