I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
