I smell stomach acid.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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