remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
