? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
