You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
