where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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