We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
