theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize