toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
