Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
