I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
