and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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