i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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