Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
