remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
