hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
