***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
