so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
