its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
