I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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