my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
