I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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