Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
