so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize