New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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