Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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