My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
