Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
