If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize