HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
