She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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