there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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