just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
