Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
a search helicopter?!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
