so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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