i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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