her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
