Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Randomize
