This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
