just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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