we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
