One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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