ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
