Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
