Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
