how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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