I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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