If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
