Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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