dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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