The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
