The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
