Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
