I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize