He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
