I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
