I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
