But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
