Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
