my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
