What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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