Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
