Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
