ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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