he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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