Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
