He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
