I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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