mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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