We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
