Where is the hickey?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
