We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
