just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Damn victory sex feels great
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
