i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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