I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
