Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
