coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he was CRYING into my vagina
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
