my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
