You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
