Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
