Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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