Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
