Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize