perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
As shirtless as possible
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
