I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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