please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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