Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
