Sry I called you an 8
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
