You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize