I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
