I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
