So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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