cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
