Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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