Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
