You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
