So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The power of my boobs compel you
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
