called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
