What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
