My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
