Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
