My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
