Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
