nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
