Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
